WELL EVERYONE I AM BACK!
Well, all went well in Brussels, (Judging by the numbers of people that are making it this far, it does not seem that too many people could give a damn but still life is a BITCH or perhap's I should be saying a MAN!)
THE TRIP I flew into Brussels on the Sunday evening, went to my hotel, I had a fairly restless night, I was not to see my surgeon until 5 p.m the following day. so I spent the monday trying to play the tourist, digital camera in hand. snapping up Brussels.
I must admit it would have all been very lonely if I had not met a most wonderful lady on the train from Airport to Brussels. She remained a constant visitor whilst in Hospital, and afterwards. I do hope that we are going to remain Friends.
A BEGINNING
I booked into the hospital, at 2.30 and was shown to my room, which was like many hospital rooms worldwide; typical adjustable bed, with horrible plastic mattress, locker, toilet (seperate room) and a television set. which did get BBC1 for which I was to become very grateful. During the remainder of that day, I spent a large part going for tests which had already been carried out in England, however it did take up some time. Even though I had made my last will and testament, stating that the Belgian authorities could use my remains in the unlikely event that anything should happen. I had handed this in with my few valuables when I booked in, but made it clear to surgeon and anaesthatist what my will contained (mind you I think I had more chance of being killed crossing a road in Brussels than I did on the operating table).
I was woken up at 6 am, given some tablets (premed) and, at about 7.15 am I was wheeled in my bed to the operating theatre. I was prepared, they put the drip in, I could see where they were going to put my legs up in the air, I still knew that what I was doing was in fact the right thing for me. I knew this was my last chance. but I think if someone placed a million pounds next to me and said dont do it and this is yours I would have declined. The oxygen mask was placed over my face. and I was told to breath heavily. I was injected, and was out for the count. the next thing I knew it was about 11 am. I was being woken straight away.
My surgeon came in told me everything went well, I felt a feeling of satisfaction, knowing that what I had strived for had finally happened. I had achieved my goal! I am now post op! It is a wonderful feeling, even through the pain. I do not wish to put anyone off, it was not what one could call a tortuous pain, it was more of a (and still is) nagging pain, it does hurt more when you walk. I look at it this way, I have had three years Electrolysis, so what is a few weeks of pain between the legs. Oh, and by the way, there is generally an obnoxious smell, which again will go away with time. I am told to drink a glass of cranberry juice a day, and that will help.
I feel that I must, at this point, mention the fact that you are going to hear good & bad about every Surgeon. Worldwide, lots of us think they are god's gift to transsexuals. Others of us think that our operation went dramatically wrong, because we cannot get an orgasm. Well I cannot really comment after just three weeks. I feel it is a little bit early. But I am sure that Dr Seghers has done his best for me, within his capabilities. In many ways I feel that the internet can be very dangerous to take advice from because we are not qualified surgeons, or psychiatrists. It may be that we have too high of an expectation from our Surgeon's so if you are contemplating surgery, bear in mind that not all post op transsexuals have orgasms. Well, tomorrow I will be three whole weeks Post Op. I would love to say that the pain and discomfort have stopped, but I would be trying to pull the wool over your eyes. I must admit that there is improvement with each day that passes. (although some days I do not appreciate it) I still have no regrets, but I would not like to go through with it again, thank you. In many ways, I feel similar to when I first started taking female hormones, sensitive breasts. That is due to the fact that as my testicles have been removed, there is no more production of testosterone, even though I do believe that testosterone is present for some months to come.
I think it is here that I must once again remind the reader that has got this far, that the views expressed are solely my own. I do not profess to have any qualifications whatsoever in either surgery or psychiatry. So feel free to disagree with me. Well, I feel good, not physically yet, but I had a mental uplift today. I had to go and have some stitches removed. The two nurses openly admired Dr Segher's work. They thought it looked or would look like the "real McCoy" when the healing process was complete. It does a Post OP's moral good to have a little bit of admiration.
5 pm came closer so I made my way to the Office & home of a Dr Michel Seghers, to whom I came to know very well in the coming ten days or so. He was a most pleasant person. He gave me an examination, admired the size of my penis (from a surgical point of view) and told me I was to report to the hospital the following day at 2.30pm. So once again, I spent a very quiet monday night in the hotel apart from venturing out for a meal, and the Tuesday morning I played tourist once again.
I had an ECG, about six tubes of blood taken for various tests, was duly handed an enema, and two razor blades. Luckily I had already performed the shaving bit so I administered my Enema, and duly performed, I must admit I did not feel afraid.
I know my first feelings were that my throat felt that I had just had a tonselectomy, and then I did feel the pain down below. I went to touch it but all I could feel was a nappy like object, very thickly padded, so for all I knew my penis could still be under there. except for the pain. I remember the spaghettie coming from my arms, drips and antibiotics. I cannot remember going back to my room, I just vaguely remember a shiver, and the nurses putting on more blankets. I think I came round for real about 6.p.m. I was hooked up to a self administering morphine pump which I could press every half an hour, but if I tried any more it would not give me what I wanted. Even with the morphine, if you moved, you still had pain.
I could not praise Dr Seighers enough. He came to see me twice a day, every day. Even when he did not have other patients to see. On one day, when I was given an enema, I was in tears on the toilet. My back was killing me, and it felt as if I was giving birth to triplets. He came into the loo in his running gear. He was off to do a half marathon in Germany. He also came back that evening on his return journey. I can only speak praises for Dr Seghers. He is not a man that is in Gender Surgery to get rich quick. He is a person that will do the work because he feels there is a need. It is a pity that there are not many more out there with the same attitudes to their work.
As for my visitor who shall remain nameless, I can only say thank you for spending your evenings with me when you had other things that you could have been doing. I must also say a big thank you to the nursing staff. Although there was a language barrier, and also they did seem to have an awful lot to do.
So if you end up having Dr. Seghers as your Surgeon and you end up in the same hospital, I would ask anyone to remember that they are not the only patients. There are other people with more pressing needs. If you feel pain, which is natural, try and wait till they come round to take your temperature or some other thing,I was complimented by one nurse that I was a very good patient as I did not constantly press the bell for attention. Be prepared for a very lonely time, unless you are more fortunate than myself, and are sharing. I did try to bring things that might occupy my mind, e.g. Game Boy Tetris, and a radio cassette, Walkman, but I found that I did not really have the patience to use these items of equipment. I was grateful for my female visitor though, whome life would have been very boring without her company. and of course my twice daily visits from my Surgeon. Who has a good sense of humour. Please if anyone is wanting any advice at all then do not hesitate to contact me.
Did you want to become a woman for the orgasm? Or the femininity. If things do not go according to plan, then do not be disheartened. Keep your expectations low. Then, if things are better than expected, that is a bonus. I will be writing to Geocities, and asking them if I can display pictures, of my penis, vagina, four days post op, and then three weeks post op. As it is of a non-sexual nature, I hope they will look on my request with open mindedness.
Even the so called professionals cannot agree about the best methods. In the treatment of Gender Dysphoria, call it what you may, for example Seghers in Belgium requires only two weeks before the operation to come off hormones, and to go back on them after discharge from hospital. In England, Royal & Dalrymple require six weeks pre op, and I believe a month post op.
Seghers does not use the colon to produce a vagina. So if you are not well endowed, think of where to go. He believes there is more of a chance of complications post op. I was rather lucky! For once in my life, I was quite pleased that a man was pleased at the size of my penis. I was told by Dr Seghers that some patients come with such small penises. (he would wiggle his small finger) I would assume that if you were to go to Dr Seghers, with a small piece of equipment, then I do not think you could expect a great depth of vagina. I was rather concerned about the size of mine due to the hormones. I was sure it had shrunk, but mind you I think it has been stretched back to its original size, due to the feelings of pain and stretched skin around the vagina. And if you go for the op, you will possibly notice that the hairline has been lowered somewhat
The other thing is I had contact with a producer from a chat show called The Esther Rantzen Show. He asked about the possiblility of me appearing on a programme entitled "What is the most difficult thing that you have had to tell your parents?" Well need I say more? I think every transsexual dreads the day when they have to openly come out and tell their parents, "I am a Transsexual!" It would be a lot easier to say, "I am Gay!" I eventually received confirmation that I was to go on The Esther Rantzen Show! Now the problem with many of these shows is they expect you to go on for expenses only? But if you be a little persuasive, then you might be able to screw a small fee out of them. Anyhow I go down next Tuesday 28th April, to London for the recording. I might get a sentence in or maybe two, who knows.
A bit of my Belgian Expierience from the media.
THE CONTINUANCE
The opinions that I expressed in the article are purely my own.
I find that I am in a bit of a quandry. What do I say on the chat show when they ask me about my parents reaction to my transsexuality. If I tell the absolute truth, it will hurt my parents. But if I do not tell the whole truth, then I do not feel that I am doing a service to the community at large. Come on! Anyone got any advice? Anyhow that is next week. Well, time for bed. So goodnight all. I'll try do a bit more tomorrow night.
Well I am afraid it is not tomorrow night. It is a few weeks! I am glad to say that the pain has gone! Today is 10th of June. I am glad to say that I am totally pain free. I have managed two orgasms, (on my own) and externally. I have written to Dr Seghers thanking him for his workmanship.
- I was not giving a diagnosis as to who is and who is not transsexual if psychiatrists cannot agree.
- Surgeons do not agree with each other about ways of performing the operation.
- How long afterwards you can have sex? How many times a day to dilate.
In my opinion you cannot reach a diagnosis of Transsexualism through any single cause. There are many possibilities. I believe that there is no simple diagnosis of transsexualism. We have all come to it through our own paths. I did in fact say to the journalist, that these were my own personal feelings, and not those of all Transsexuals, pre or post op.
Well, tomorrow I start back at my first electrolysis session after my Op. I do not somehow think that I will be able to stick out for the full three hours, as I feel my pain threshold has been lowered, but still we can only see.
It will be nice to see the girls again. I am sure they will be interested in what happened, how I feel, etc. I am finding the pain has greatly reduced, it is just when I rub my knickers, or panty liners up against my new peeing hole (is it the urethera) it feels as if someone has grated my penis away with a vegetable grater (fine if you are a masochist)!
I must stress once again there is no surgeon in the entire world that can boast 100% sucssess. There are many factors to be taken into account. How big the penis is. if you have only got a small penis then do not expect a massive vagina. Many complications arise from the patients own lack of care, Hygene is most important. and so is the four times a day dilation. I have found that when I have only done it morning and night it is awfully uncomfortable to try to get the dilator, or nowadays a vibrator up my vagina. You will find that in time the vagina does enlarge but please do not expect miracles. I found personally that coming off of the hormones for only two weeks before surgery and one week afterwards very benificial. I did not have sagging boobs. And I did not have a lot of hair regrowth, which many people have told me that have come off six weeks before and one month afterwards.
MORE TO COME.
I would like to know if I am wasting my time writing all this blurb. I would appreciate a little feedback, in the form of an email or even sign my guestbook maybe? Is that too much to ask? Well, Folks that have read to the end. It is now some 3.5 months since the Operation, I have had six orgasms, and am still a virgin! I complained to someone the other week about still feeling a little tight around the vagina. Her reply was "WHAT, AT 43 YOU ARE COMPLAINING?"
Again I do say please drop me a line, phone me, (before midnight GMT). If I can help in any way, I can, I will only be too pleased to. Just because I bare all on the adult sites does not make me a gormless slut! (O.K. maybe gormless). By the way, did you hear that I am the worlds most unsucssesful prostitute! Total number of clients so far 0! Expected number of clients 0! Bye for now folks, please once again make contact.
ENTRY
Well everyone it is now one year year and three months since surgery and I can say without hesitation that I feel a better person! I like me! Life has still had it's stumbling blocks to overcome, and it will have many more on the way. I do hope that the few people that have made it so far will have benefitted. It is not meant to be a scholarly exercise. I am well aware of the flaws in this document. My aim has been to try and help people going through the same walk of life as myself. And perhap's, help people to understand. I thank you for making it to the end. I know I have been repetetive. but sometimes intentionally. If any questions arise, then please email me. And if you are going on the same path, good luck, it aint easy. But it is worth it in the end! And yes, I am still a virgin for the second time around, and quite happy to be one © 1999 Catrina Day
Bye